So I have located some of my little erm 'odes' and thought I may occassionally share them with you. Please accept my apologies if any of it is remotely offensive, they are not intended to be but sometimes even unintentionally the nicest person can be offensive.
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The one I'm sharing with you today was written when I was heavily pregnant and I had watched far too much daytime telly and this was mostly inspired by Jerry springer and the like of course nothing was directly taken as material for this poem and the thoughts and opinions are all my own.
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NORMALITY
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Mr thomas lets get this right, you're on my couch or therepy? You've had it with your family and their abnormailities.
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Your young pregnant wife that saucy minx, is already twice a teenage mother. She had your fathers baby, is he your stepson or your brother?
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Your mum was a closet lesbian and had an affair with your teacher. Your aunties name is Richard and he's the towns respected preacher.
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Your brother is a junkie and the pimping king's his man. He sells himself to feed his habit and scrape together what he can.
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Grandad was a serial killer, who killed then raped his prey, you saw him shagging rigamortis and he's stuck there till this day
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Your sisters are disorder queens, ones called little ones called large. The small one wears cindy's clothes and the other sank a barge.
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Granny on your mothers side, swings rather than swoons, She lends pops to Mrs Murray and borrows Mr Murray's prunes!
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So what Mr Thomas ........do you think you've got it bad?You're family's eccentric.....my life now that is sad!
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I grew up in an orphanage, but my fathers names Rod THOMAS, I had sex with a pimps junkie lover so the pimp bit off my bollocks.
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My wife had an affair - with a pupils motherso I slept with a saucy minx and now she's up the duffer!
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My priests name is Richard, but she hasn't got mens bits
I once put my hand up his robe and even felt his tits!
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Nobody knows what goes on in a family once they've closed the doorsTherapy's over say 'thank you master' and now get on all fours!
.
The one I'm sharing with you today was written when I was heavily pregnant and I had watched far too much daytime telly and this was mostly inspired by Jerry springer and the like of course nothing was directly taken as material for this poem and the thoughts and opinions are all my own.
.
NORMALITY
.
Mr thomas lets get this right, you're on my couch or therepy? You've had it with your family and their abnormailities.
.
Your young pregnant wife that saucy minx, is already twice a teenage mother. She had your fathers baby, is he your stepson or your brother?
.
Your mum was a closet lesbian and had an affair with your teacher. Your aunties name is Richard and he's the towns respected preacher.
.
Your brother is a junkie and the pimping king's his man. He sells himself to feed his habit and scrape together what he can.
.
Grandad was a serial killer, who killed then raped his prey, you saw him shagging rigamortis and he's stuck there till this day
.
Your sisters are disorder queens, ones called little ones called large. The small one wears cindy's clothes and the other sank a barge.
.
Granny on your mothers side, swings rather than swoons, She lends pops to Mrs Murray and borrows Mr Murray's prunes!
.
So what Mr Thomas ........do you think you've got it bad?You're family's eccentric.....my life now that is sad!
.
I grew up in an orphanage, but my fathers names Rod THOMAS, I had sex with a pimps junkie lover so the pimp bit off my bollocks.
.
My wife had an affair - with a pupils motherso I slept with a saucy minx and now she's up the duffer!
.
My priests name is Richard, but she hasn't got mens bits
I once put my hand up his robe and even felt his tits!
.
Nobody knows what goes on in a family once they've closed the doorsTherapy's over say 'thank you master' and now get on all fours!
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