Are you coming????

I am feeling vague today, yes that is probably the best way of saying how I feel, vague. And I can't help it, I am lonely for man company.

.

My little boy is fabulous, we have been incredibly close this week, I have been teaching him to read and he drew his first ever smiley face but still, when he's asleep and I'm alone or when I've put the phone down to C or my mother I can imagine the hand on my shoulder saying "I want you to myself".

.

I can almost feel his lips against my neck, the whispered words of love in my ear and the warmth of his breath against my mouth. I am lonely for the smell of his skin after he has showered and the scent of his aftershave on his pillow.

.

I can see the boots in the hall and his coat on the rack, his favorite cheese in my fridge and his mug next to mine when I make tea in the morning.

.

I lay on my sofa alone, watching whatever is on and wish that I was curled into him, warmed by him, comforted by him and I am silent just enjoying being in his presence.

.

I am lonely for him.

.

I don't know his name yet, where he lives or what he does and I don't know when I will finally whisper the words "I love you" or when I will watch him in the dark of night as he sleeps soundly beside me.

.

But I will. One day I will give all that I am to you. My very own beloved.