unrequited Longing

So I have a friend. He's always been a friend. I've always wanted more and I don't think that's much of a secret but anyhow as I say he's always been a friend. Well as you know I've given up on men for quite some time, or at least until I am swept off my feet. But I do have a problem with this whole love life thing and that is this friend.

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I couldn't tell you one interesting fact about him or what shoe size he wears or what kind of movies he likes, we don't have that sort of friendship. I couldn't even tell you why I like him. Yes I find him physically attractive, his height, his build and his eyes are just lovely but the sad fact is that I simply just really like to be around him and secretly always wish for that ugly duckling moment from him. You know the one, the movies show it as something a little like this.......seemingly undesirable girl who always goes unnoticed spends a little time on her appearance and becomes a 'swan' and as she walks into the room good looking popular fella takes a second look and realises who she is and discovers he's a little attracted to her. She sees the look on his face and feels all warm and fuzzy. Boy and girl spend a little time together and realise they are a match made in heaven. Happily ever after.

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I can't help myself, I laugh and joke with him, we're friends we tease each other and chat about ridiculous things. We get drunk with our group of friends and take lots of pics together and even dance together like total morons yet all the time he's thinking what a daft mate I have I'm thinking, please please please see me. Please notice me. Please see that I'm more than this girl, I'm the girl.

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Oh dear its horrible. I hate feeling unnoticed by someone I want to care about me, it reminds me of all the times I desperately tried to get my dad to be proud of me and that is never a good thing.

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I saw him today. My friend that is and it was one of those unexpected meets we didn't even chat properly just had a little tease across the street but its gotten to me again. He makes it quite clear we're only friends by the way, there is no mistaking his intentions or feelings towards me, I'm not in one of those boy likes girl, girl likes boy but neither admits it scenario. I wish I was then maybe there'd be some chance. But I'm not. I just plain like him more than he likes me and every now and then, even though I have learned to almost bury it, it rears its ugly head and makes me feel a little heartache of the kind that can never really be but yet is never really not there either.