All Change

I haven't written lately. I've been busy. The world as I know it has changed, for the better but I am wordless because I have no idea where to start and how to not bore you with the details.

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I have moved me and my little man in with my mum and sister and though I thought it would be really hard I think its turning out to be one of the best decisions but there will be bumps, so watch this space for any possible rants.

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I am working, it was so nice getting my first wage in 8 months in my bank account. I cannot begin to explain how liberating that felt. It's not a career, just a little office job, but its mine and I love it.

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I have got to get used to having less privacy and more noise but all in all life is fine.

Arrrrrrggggg

Why don't I do things the way normal people do!!! Why do I always do everything at once!! No I'm not just moving house soon, I am moving house getting a divorce, embarking (possibly) on a new romance and starting a new job. I don't do things by half me!!!

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It was the same a few years ago, I bought a house, got married, lost my job and had a baby within about 18 months! Like I said I don't do things by half!!!

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Right now I am using this wonderful little blog as a way to not fill the hole I accidentally made in little mans room and as a way to not pack any more boxes and to not clean out anymore cupboards. Basically I am procrastinating, yes yes I know..........get on with it.

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Cheerio!!!!!

Busy Busy Bee

So hello there, just thought I'd check in, I felt I should write a post but to be honest I've not a great deal of ideas as to what to write.

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You know I hate that saying 'to be honest' and I hate all the other variations of it really such as 'in truth' or 'in all honesty' I mean really.....whenever I hear it or even when I say it (which I do) it makes me wonder if it means what the person normally says should be considered as untruthful or less than honest?? Clearly if you're pointing out the fact that this particular bit of information that you've decided to share is true (which should be a given) then what does that say about everything else you say? That its not necessarily quite as true??? Personally I'd prefer it if, whenever anyone was lying or being less than honest they would start or finish their sentence with something along the lines of 'in all dishonesty'. Wouldn't that make life a little easier?

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So I have a job now by the way, my house is nearly totally packed although I don't actually know where I'm moving to or when but there's nothing wrong with being organised is there.

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Anyway I must dash boxes to pack, house to clean and child to rear (and all that jazz)!

My ten favourite things...

I thought I'd take the opportunity to appreciate some of my favourite things so here just ten of them:
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• Waking up naturally to the noise of your home and stretching under the warm covers that smell of sleep.

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• The first cup of tea of the morning

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• When my little boy laughs in his sleep and I have to wonder what he's dreaming

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• The moment when you know he's so close to kissing you but he waits just a second and looks into your eyes and you feel your heart skip a beat

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• When you feel like crap and someone totally unexpectedly compliments you, my personal fave was when someone told me I had a heart shaped smile

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• When you take your socks off after a hot day in trainers

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• Getting all wrapped up and snuggley in your scarf, coat, hat and gloves and watching a fireworks display with your lover, I can smell it now (the fireworks not my lover)

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• The look of amazement on a child's face Christmas morning when they see the presents under the tree

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• Switching off phones, getting nibbles, drawing the curtains and snuggling up on the sofa with that special person and watching a DVD.

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• Tasting something amazing for the first time and savouring the texture in your mouth

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Today my favourite thing was when my little boy got in bed with me at about 7am and snuggled up for a story. Fabulous.

Oh and........

did I mention, I'm dating someone (sort of)................................

Ex's, stresses and disappoinments part two

So little man left his welly's with daddy on Saturday and to my surprise there was a knock knock knocking on my door last night, when I opened my shiny red front door the Ex was standing there happily waggling said welly's.

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He chatted to me as he always does about what area of his life he feels he requires some validation for. But it seemed odd, the way he was behaving and I realised its because he had brought his girlfriend along. Talk about caught off guard.

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I wasn't sure what to do at this point but in moments of distress I find myself becoming quite British and 'proper'

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"Do come in" I heard myself say "I'll make a nice cup of tea" in reality this was odd in my head I was screaming at myself WHAT THE BLOODY NORA ARE YOU DOING WOMAN!!!!!!!

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And why do we always make tea in times of stress????

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I was screaming at myself because I felt cornered but I also felt slightly detached from the scene. I did get a chance to notice a few things though. She was clearly nervous too which made me feel better (I don't claim to still be in love with my Ex but my ego will not let me believe they shouldn't feel in the least bit threatened by me, they should - because he needs more than they realise and perhaps more than any of us are capable of giving). He followed me to the kitchen while I made tea, he chose to sit on my chair and left her to sit on her own on the sofa. He then proceeded to tell stories of our shenanigans, silly things like the rare nights out we had together and the like. She mentioned their recent night out (which could have been any of them since they've been together around 6 weeks) and in all honesty I felt a little sorry for her.

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I was wonderful. I was friendly, made a great cuppa and looked fabulous to boot not to mention my phone bleeped constantly with text messages that made me seem popular. It was unexpected and I felt it was meant to make me uncomfortable so I was quietly impressed with my behaviour.

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I shan't tell my mum, she would literally blow a gasket at me inviting them in and although I almost coped perfectly with the situation there is nothing worse than someone saying "You shouldn't have done that!"

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The Ex text me today "is it alright if I come to yours for an hour this afternoon, it'll give me a chance to play with little man ... if he's there"

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I politely refused, I know a bootie call when it's text to me. Thanks but er...no thanks!!!!

Ex's, stresses and disappointments part one

I really felt a lump in my throat this weekend. Little man was staying with the Ex and I was planning on spending the weekend packing when on Saturday lunchtime I got a phone call. Apparently little man wanted to come home (of course it had nothing to do with the fact that the Ex wanted to take girlfriend number 3 out to dinner and his mum had refused to babysit as had his sister because quite frankly they believe that since he sees little man for 2 days out of 14 he's got plenty of time to rearrange things around that) Anyway I said pretty much the same thing.

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"But he's been really excited about spending the weekend with you, you haven't seen him for like 2 weeks" says me

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"Then I suppose I'll just have to put up with him be an obnoxious little brat tonight then wont I" says the Ex

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"I want to speak to my mummy" little man

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"Hello baby are you having fun??"

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"No I want to come home, please say awwright"

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"Awwright"

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Not long after that the ex arrived at my front door and little man virtually launched himself and his ear to ear smile at the sight of me out of the van door and into my arms. "I love you mummy" he whispered as he clung to me with all his might.

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As it turns out the ex moved into his girlfriends flat on the Saturday morning and yes they went out to celebrate on the Saturday evening. If only the ex realised what he's missing.

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I am so very lucky that he knew he could come back to me my little boy of colours.

Say it aint so!!

I am not entirely convinced I am normal. I have just been given the date I have to leave my property, it's the 14th October. Yeah not much time eh and no the council still haven't sorted out an alternative and yes I have spoken to the homelessness officer who has told me I have to wait till a bailiff comes to remove me which in actual fact buys me a couple of extra weeks. So you see I should be panicking, maybe crying but I'm not. I really don't feel anything at all. That's right, nothing, Nada, zilch!

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I have had the obligatory rant to my mum and best mate but that was for their benefit, so they don't go getting me sectioned or something for not being worried. I don't know why I am not worried. I think the worry, I have a multitude of to-do lists in my head about what emotion to show to who but I don't actually feel it.

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So you see, I really am not entirely convinced I am normal. Is it normal behaviour to pretend to your friends and family that you're stressing out because not stressing out isn't the normal reaction? If that's normal then I am woo-hoo, if its not then..............well quite frankly I'm in trouble!!

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Or maybe I'm just done with stressing out and worrying. Maybe I have done so much of that this year I've used most of it up??? Is that possible??

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And I still don't know how they get those little ships in the bottles.