tis the season to be jolly

I don't read the newspapers, or watch the news on TV, why? because I'm being ignorant? because it helps me not take responsibility for actively participating in the world at large? Maybe it's a little of both but there is also another reason. I just get too bloody sad. You see I believe that fundamentally all people think and feel the same way that I do (clearly they don't) and when I hear some of the awful things that happen in the world its like a little death. Not in the real sense of the word but figuratively speaking. A little bit of my faith in human nature gets worn down and you want to stop believing in the good just in case. So I try not to read too many of the stories and I try not too watch too much of the coverage of the terrible things that go on in the world today because while I know that life is not all butterflies and daisy's and doesn't always smell of roses I have to save a little faith, for the people I love when they run out, for myself when I walk blindly into the future and people don't always let you down.

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Strangers help pick up your shopping when you drop it, or hold the door open when you can't do it yourself, people donate a pound here and there to help children who rely on that money to help them live as healthy, happy and secure a life as possible.

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So in the run up to Christmas which is supposed to be the season to be jolly why don't we all take a moment to smile at someone rather than bow our head, to say thank you to the check out girl who looks totally harassed and to offer our seat on the bus to someone who really does need it more.

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Because perhaps, if we lead by example our children will grow up and do the same.

No Title as yet..........

It's hard being this optimistic all the time so I hope you'll forgive me when I say I feel like poo today. Only because I have been at my old house cleaning and sorting and seeing all the rooms naked (the rooms not me, that would just be odd) has made me feel a little sad for the girl I was when we moved in there as a family of three. Not enough to make me cry, although the tears do keep threatening but enough to make me feel nostalgic, the girl back then was hopeful, naive and oblivious to a lot. Somehow though I know I was less self sufficient, less independant and less everything (except heavy, I am definitely less heavy now) I also have a small sense of longing for those feelings.

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I truly felt that things would work out. They didn't and I can't help but want to go back, not to change what happened as such but to tell the girl I was a year and a half ago that she should spend less time pretending to be happy because the illusion would shatter her heart.

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Ah well, the keys go back this weekend and perhaps closing that door on my past will open a new one for the future and maybe I'll meet a girl who doesn't hide behind a false smile, who laughs because it's funny and who loves just because. Maybe that girl will be me, just a little bit.