tis the season to be jolly

I don't read the newspapers, or watch the news on TV, why? because I'm being ignorant? because it helps me not take responsibility for actively participating in the world at large? Maybe it's a little of both but there is also another reason. I just get too bloody sad. You see I believe that fundamentally all people think and feel the same way that I do (clearly they don't) and when I hear some of the awful things that happen in the world its like a little death. Not in the real sense of the word but figuratively speaking. A little bit of my faith in human nature gets worn down and you want to stop believing in the good just in case. So I try not to read too many of the stories and I try not too watch too much of the coverage of the terrible things that go on in the world today because while I know that life is not all butterflies and daisy's and doesn't always smell of roses I have to save a little faith, for the people I love when they run out, for myself when I walk blindly into the future and people don't always let you down.

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Strangers help pick up your shopping when you drop it, or hold the door open when you can't do it yourself, people donate a pound here and there to help children who rely on that money to help them live as healthy, happy and secure a life as possible.

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So in the run up to Christmas which is supposed to be the season to be jolly why don't we all take a moment to smile at someone rather than bow our head, to say thank you to the check out girl who looks totally harassed and to offer our seat on the bus to someone who really does need it more.

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Because perhaps, if we lead by example our children will grow up and do the same.

No Title as yet..........

It's hard being this optimistic all the time so I hope you'll forgive me when I say I feel like poo today. Only because I have been at my old house cleaning and sorting and seeing all the rooms naked (the rooms not me, that would just be odd) has made me feel a little sad for the girl I was when we moved in there as a family of three. Not enough to make me cry, although the tears do keep threatening but enough to make me feel nostalgic, the girl back then was hopeful, naive and oblivious to a lot. Somehow though I know I was less self sufficient, less independant and less everything (except heavy, I am definitely less heavy now) I also have a small sense of longing for those feelings.

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I truly felt that things would work out. They didn't and I can't help but want to go back, not to change what happened as such but to tell the girl I was a year and a half ago that she should spend less time pretending to be happy because the illusion would shatter her heart.

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Ah well, the keys go back this weekend and perhaps closing that door on my past will open a new one for the future and maybe I'll meet a girl who doesn't hide behind a false smile, who laughs because it's funny and who loves just because. Maybe that girl will be me, just a little bit.

All Change

I haven't written lately. I've been busy. The world as I know it has changed, for the better but I am wordless because I have no idea where to start and how to not bore you with the details.

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I have moved me and my little man in with my mum and sister and though I thought it would be really hard I think its turning out to be one of the best decisions but there will be bumps, so watch this space for any possible rants.

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I am working, it was so nice getting my first wage in 8 months in my bank account. I cannot begin to explain how liberating that felt. It's not a career, just a little office job, but its mine and I love it.

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I have got to get used to having less privacy and more noise but all in all life is fine.

Arrrrrrggggg

Why don't I do things the way normal people do!!! Why do I always do everything at once!! No I'm not just moving house soon, I am moving house getting a divorce, embarking (possibly) on a new romance and starting a new job. I don't do things by half me!!!

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It was the same a few years ago, I bought a house, got married, lost my job and had a baby within about 18 months! Like I said I don't do things by half!!!

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Right now I am using this wonderful little blog as a way to not fill the hole I accidentally made in little mans room and as a way to not pack any more boxes and to not clean out anymore cupboards. Basically I am procrastinating, yes yes I know..........get on with it.

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Cheerio!!!!!

Busy Busy Bee

So hello there, just thought I'd check in, I felt I should write a post but to be honest I've not a great deal of ideas as to what to write.

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You know I hate that saying 'to be honest' and I hate all the other variations of it really such as 'in truth' or 'in all honesty' I mean really.....whenever I hear it or even when I say it (which I do) it makes me wonder if it means what the person normally says should be considered as untruthful or less than honest?? Clearly if you're pointing out the fact that this particular bit of information that you've decided to share is true (which should be a given) then what does that say about everything else you say? That its not necessarily quite as true??? Personally I'd prefer it if, whenever anyone was lying or being less than honest they would start or finish their sentence with something along the lines of 'in all dishonesty'. Wouldn't that make life a little easier?

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So I have a job now by the way, my house is nearly totally packed although I don't actually know where I'm moving to or when but there's nothing wrong with being organised is there.

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Anyway I must dash boxes to pack, house to clean and child to rear (and all that jazz)!

My ten favourite things...

I thought I'd take the opportunity to appreciate some of my favourite things so here just ten of them:
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• Waking up naturally to the noise of your home and stretching under the warm covers that smell of sleep.

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• The first cup of tea of the morning

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• When my little boy laughs in his sleep and I have to wonder what he's dreaming

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• The moment when you know he's so close to kissing you but he waits just a second and looks into your eyes and you feel your heart skip a beat

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• When you feel like crap and someone totally unexpectedly compliments you, my personal fave was when someone told me I had a heart shaped smile

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• When you take your socks off after a hot day in trainers

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• Getting all wrapped up and snuggley in your scarf, coat, hat and gloves and watching a fireworks display with your lover, I can smell it now (the fireworks not my lover)

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• The look of amazement on a child's face Christmas morning when they see the presents under the tree

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• Switching off phones, getting nibbles, drawing the curtains and snuggling up on the sofa with that special person and watching a DVD.

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• Tasting something amazing for the first time and savouring the texture in your mouth

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Today my favourite thing was when my little boy got in bed with me at about 7am and snuggled up for a story. Fabulous.

Oh and........

did I mention, I'm dating someone (sort of)................................